In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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