woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
