no, he came in my armpit
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
