Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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