quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I came so hard my ears popped.
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