So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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