Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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