i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
