whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
