And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i drank out of a bidet.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
