U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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