READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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