i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize