Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
