even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
