I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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