I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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