Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
