He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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