just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
