You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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