just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize