we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just pee around me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
