i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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