He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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