Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
