...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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