take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
