thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
