She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
