There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
