The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
