No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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