I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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