Christians are straight up FREAKS
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
