I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
