Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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