Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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