Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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