I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize