went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
