He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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