i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
