There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
