My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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