i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Randomize
