***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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