just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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