i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
