I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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