It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
