So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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