Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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