the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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