ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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