You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
