24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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