I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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