I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
