i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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