We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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