Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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