I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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