East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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