Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the liver wants what the liver wants
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
