omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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