i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
