Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
