What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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