I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
