3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize
