found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
