I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
