you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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