So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
