I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
